Half of parents with school-aged children think kids should be given their own independence by the age of 12, according to new research from NatWest Rooster Money. However, almost a quarter (24%) aren’t emotionally ready to let go and see their child become more independent.
The poll of 750 parents and their children aged six to 16, conducted in partnership with OnePoll, shows that whilst just under a third of parents (30%) felt that their kids should have independence by the age of 10, this rose to 57% of parents who think they should have it by 12. Just 7% think their kids should wait to be 18 or older before becoming more independent.
The research also revealed which milestones mums and dads are most likely to see as signs of their youngster growing up – with the most prevalent being walking to school alone (21%), expressing their own opinions (21%), and getting ready for school by themselves (19%).
But with another school year approaching and many kids set to start secondary school, 16% of parents facing this transition are worried about ‘letting go’ and giving them more freedom. This is despite thinking that their children should be independent by the time they’re just one year into ‘big school’.
Managing money is a big sign of growing up
One in five parents reported that seeing their kids manage spending and saving their money (20%) was a big milestone on the journey to developing independence – making it one of the highest ranking signs parents point to.
Moreover, when it comes to kids developing their own financial freedom, parents suggested that the top signs of this included their child choosing how they spend and save (29%), having a spending card instead of cash (25%), and getting a part-time job (24%).
Kids had a slightly simpler perspective on financial freedom – they’re just itching to do more of what they want without supervision. Nearly a third (32%) say being able to choose what they spend their pocket money on would make them feel more free from their parents. This was ahead of getting their own mobile (24%), making their own money by selling things (28%), having a bank account (23%) and even getting a job, which just 6% cited.
The contrasting findings suggest that kids are focused on the smaller stepping stones, with more grown-up things like jobs and earning not yet on their radar, while parents see the bigger picture.
It also emerged three in 10 six- to 16-year-olds (30%) think they understand the value of money, compared to 36% of parents, who were actually slightly more likely to say the same about their children.
Parents want their kids to grow up, but they’re nervous of letting go
The study found one in five parents whose child is reaching their secondary school years are scared about them walking to school alone, although the same number consider this to be an indicator of their freedom.
The other biggest anxieties were around relinquishing control: 21% are concerned about their child handling their own money at school, 20% are hung up on who they make friends with, and 19% say they worry their child’s friends could influence them to buy things they aren’t comfortable with.
The research paints a picture of inner conflict, with a quarter (23%) saying they’re not ready for their little one to become more independent, while nearly two in five (37%) are still looking forward to helping their youngster grow up rather than letting go.
Also revealed was a belief by almost half (46%) of parents that today’s kids are becoming independent at a much younger age. Of those, 38% think it’s because they have access to more knowledge through the internet and social media, while 36% put it down to mums and dads having more open and honest conversations with them. 35% reckon modern children having more financial freedom with spending cards and child-friendly bank accounts means they are growing up quicker than previous generations.
Dr Linda Papadopoulos, a leading child behavioural psychologist, comments:
“Parenting can be one of the most rewarding and challenging life experiences and one of the most fundamental aspects of parenting is to help kids become self-sufficient. That transition from depending on you completely to being able to make choices and decisions that feed into their emotional, physical and practical wellbeing is fundamental for their confidence and healthy development. As such, learning to balance our need to keep our kids safe with the equally important need of letting them challenge themselves, try new things and slowly experience independence is key.”
