by Lauren Brown
I didn’t really like commuting. I’ve always been rather anxious when traveling south on the Victoria line. Whether it’s the close proximity of fellow commuters, contributing to the unbearable heat, the disturbing terror related worry, or the interminable delays.
Today I would be ‘that commuter’ they spoke of when they got into work. Sadly, I didn’t have a cute french bulldog they could glorify, nor did I break into ‘Yellow Submarine accompanied by a tambourine, maraccas and a hat for money. ‘Some girl was crying on my tube today.’ They would say. One minute I was studying the never ending central line on the tube map, the next I was crying. I wasn’t weeping, just a few lone tears. The few that noticed seemed sympathetic. I never really cry, and this week I found myself exhausting my tear ducts. Was it the devastation of this week’s events plastered all over the papers, the constant worry about money, or the sheer fact that life was going so quickly.
None of the above should warrant tears. Yes, recent events should evoke empathy, but for god’s sake man up, I thought. And that’s when it hit me that It’s not me. Ever since I was introduced to Zeletta, everything’s gone tits up. I’ve been experiencing feelings of dread and hopelessness on a daily basis. I feel vulnerable and powerless, making me want to shut off from the world. I’m strangely irate and paranoid when an inoffensive subject is mentioned. Zeletta’s intensifying my emotions; they’re almost tangible. I feel lethargic. And I know I’m not the only one. When I went to the doctors on Monday I told her I can’t function, I don’t want to get out of bed, I’ve lost motivation. Is this what depression feels like? Some would say, you’re just tired. But there’s been a dull cloud lingering over my head recently and I know Zeletta is the only one to blame.
With the contraceptive pill, it’s pretty much trial and error. It’s pot luck and who knows when you swallow that tiny little pill each day what side effects you will endure. Some will develop larger breasts, have clear skin, and no mood changes (lucky them). Others could suffer so much, piling on the pounds, experiencing depression and bleeding incessantly for months on end.
(Too much?) And then it’s onto the next brand to see if you can cope with this set of hormones.
My options are already extremely limited. After suffering from ocular migraines when Milinette was in my life (a combined pill), I have no choice but to take the progesterone only pill, eliminating the risk of having a stroke which the former can cause. Now progesterone only pill is only one hormone,(just in case the name wasn’t a giveaway!), so in theory it should cause less side effects.
However, nurses constantly state that progesterone is terrible at regulating periods, which is why the unlucky ones’ ‘time of the month’ can often turn into ‘time of the year’.
And ladies we must remember that everyone reacts differently. One person may be suicidal on Yasmin, another simply cannot live without it. A colleague of mine turned into a EE cup psychopath on the implant, another had no problems whatsoever. So you cannot take anyone’s advice! It can be a very long winded process but don’t despair and keep trialing until you feel 100% you!
Sometimes I think, is it worth it? Going through all of this for the sake of, well lets face it, a good old sh*g. Oh and not getting pregnant… that other small factor. We’re all so quick to moan about our pills or implant but what’s the alternative? It’s a tough one, do you stop the contraception to keep sane, or carry on and allow it to disrupt your life. Still, better a few ‘disruptions’ than an unwanted little’un running around. Just use condoms you horny bunch!